Tag Archives: Confession

Sensei’s Journal – Entry # 7: I Can Make God Smile

8 Mar

Monday, March 1st, 2021
A rare treat. A Monday morning Katannabis session (The entheogenic combination of Kata-Rx and medical cannabis). I woke and readied myself for work. At 6:15 am I found out work was cancelled due to heavy rain. By 7:30 I had started Katannabis. I had no idea that this impromptu session would, simply, blow-me-away.


Recently I added a recitation of the Christian “Act of Contrition” to my Katannabis sessions. (See Endnote) Why? I’m not sure. I guess as a means of atoning to That which is greater than me. I do this without religious connotations. The self-inventory, reflection and confession is a very cleansing experience. It enhances the overall effect of Katannabis.

That morning I intoned the traditional version but then just simply opened my heart. I talked to God plain, simple and frank, sometimes in course language. I then sat quietly in Zazen. I felt like I never felt before. My impromptu, unscripted confession and atonement was, pardon me, like a big spiritual bowel movement. The bowels of my soul unclogged, emptied, lightened. No longer bloated with accumulated spiritual waste, I can move forward.Whether or not my days of walking life’s path would continue is something outside of my control. Choosing to walk the Path in a righteous, ascendant manner is entirely within my control.To ascend as high as a flawed human being could go; to be God-like until the time comes when I am called to once again return to God.

It then occurred to me that this might make God happy. To see one of his creations reach up towards His lofty heights. Maybe God would even “smile.”

It is in my sole power, as a flawed human, to make God smile. That’s empowering. Stay on the Path. Be the fullest expression of who you can be. Maybe God will notice, maybe God would smile. I’m okay with that. Though, I do wonder, if I pleased God, will He call upon me sooner?

Until the next time, I remain,

Sensei John Szmitkowski

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1. The traditional Act Of Contrition is:
“O my God, I am heartily sorry for having offended Thee, and I detest all my sins because of thy just punishments, but most of all because they offend Thee, my God, who art all good and deserving of all my love.
I firmly resolve with the help of Thy grace to sin no more and to avoid the near occasion of sin. Amen.

2. The poem in my “Days end” photo is an adaptation of the death poem of the Samurai Okabe Tadazumi (1144 – 1184) killed in battle (the poem found in his quiver) the original is: 

“Overtaken by darkness 

I will lodge under a tree 

Flowers alone host me.”


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